my worst habit. but my best quality.

i've always been super close to my mom's parents. i was and still am a mamaw and papaw's girl! in a recent visit to their house, my papaw slipped me a tiny cut out from the newspaper, saying "you know that i notice these little things, i cut this out for you. i think you'll find it fits you... thought you could keep it, i don't want my baby getting hurt anymore."

the clipping reads "my worst habit is: trusting people too fast. my best quality is: i understand what others do not; i see people from a different perspective." when i read it, the truthfulness of that little statement hit me, reminding me how true it is... yet, given all the hurt i've experienced through that trust, i don't think i'd want to change anything. as, without that hurt, i wouldn't be who i am. i wouldn't have the people in my life that i do.

this past summer, i again found myself tangled in a bit of drama, that despite my best efforts to avoid, still found me. again, i ended up disappointed and a little hurt... granted it wasn't the first time i ended up getting hurt by "friends," it hurt in someways nonetheless.

i can't say that i've had this horrible life. that i've been hurt by all these people. blahblahblah. but, i can say that i've been hurt by people i've trusted, too quickly, given my heart to people who didn't deserve it. i'd like to say i've learned from those "mistakes" and that i don't trust people as quickly; but honestly, i can't say that everything was a mistake. i am a strong believer in that you learn from your experiences, good or bad. you grow into a stronger person having been through what you've been through. i've tried to be guarded, tried to avoid letting people in too quickly, but that never works for me. maybe i'm too trusting... but i guess for me that's ok. because i like to think that people wouldn't hurt others, disappoint, or take advantage. i like to try to see some good in a person and maybe that ends with me getting hurt... but giving someone a chance to prove themselves otherwise is something i can't not do for whatever reason. i guess because that is me. that's who i am. and while sometimes it hurts, i don't think that'll i'll ever change in that way. in some weird way, i almost want to thank those that hurt me, because of them i've grown more than i ever would having not met. i thank them for helping me realize how blessed i really am when i have people in my life that truly love and care for me unconditionally.

"happiness" by the fray. probably one of my favorite songs of all time. it speaks to me. i've cried to it. i've found a bit of irony in it. i listen to is sometimes as a comfort. a song i've gone to in moments of that disappointment or hurt after having trusted or given someone too much credit.

i ask that you not read this with pity. because i am in no way unhappy. yes, i've been hurt, disappointed, taken advantage of... but who hasn't in some way/shape/form/etc. my life is filled with wonderful people, who love me for who i am. family, friends, people that i cherish and thank God for every day... because, after all that i have experienced, i have been blessed with the people who won't cause tears or heartache.