i walk like this 'cause i can back it up

back in high school i was an athlete... playing soccer and exercising to the point that it never mattered what i ate. i didn't play college sports, so my body experienced some changes. those changes never really bothered me much, until something clicked during my junior year.

always a perfectionist and over-achiever, college brought about stress as well. in needing something to control when things seemed crazy, i found comfort in controlling food and exercise. i began running twice a day on less than 1000 calories; a routine that would ultimately result in my weighing 110 pounds and a very distorted body image.

it took a scary night, my mom making me weigh myself in front of her, and a hug from an amazing friend to come to terms with a serious need for change. i attended counseling at school initially; this really taught me how to better cope with stress, with the addition of realizing how important it was for me (in my own words) to "get my shit together"... i was nearing entry into a graduate program for a doctorate in physical therapy, yet i was not taking care of my self and my body. i questioned myself in my being able to honestly talk to and treat my future patients, when i wasn't even taking proper care of myself.

time has been a huge help in my bettering myself. having a family who supports you no matter how scary or uncertain things can be is essential. my friends have been great; they have been there to provide the occasional, but sometimes necessary hugs or words of affirmation. they have helped me build healthy eating and exercise habits.

i can't say my road has been smooth in recovering from such a distorted view of myself and my body, but i can say that i'm making it.

lately i found such a inspiration and a motivation through working out to jillian micheals. some physical therapist friends introduced me to her workout dvds after i had some problems with shin splints (physical therapists/physical therapist students are the worst patients; i should have rested more between runs, but didn't). jillian pretty much rocks my world... in just 20 minutes ("30 day shred" dvd) she kills my arms, abs, and legs. one of my favorite things about jillian is that she promotes an overall healthy lifestyle, with both healthy food choices and exercises. jillian is believable... she's battled her own weight issues and she's kicked its ass (pardon me)! knowing that about her makes it hard to just give up on her workouts; for me it's motivating, for me it's something that pushes me to live better.

right now i'm flying high... my mind is in a great place! my body is getting there (jillian is no liar when she says she gets results)! one of my favorite workout songs right now is beyonce's "ego"... "i walk like this 'cause i can back it up" speaks to me in many ways (and not necessarily the ways beyonce probably intended ha!) :) but i've been there. done that. i'm not going back down the roads i've traveled (at least not the bumpy ones). so yeah... i walk like this 'cause i can back it up... and you know, maybe i can back it up a little like beyonce. my legs are pretty rocking these days ;)

i don't know if sharing this will ever hit home for anyone; for me, sharing pieces of my story gives me an outlet to continue moving forward. maybe all you get out of this is a new workout song in beyonce's "ego" or a new inspiration to tackle jillian and her "30 day shred"... regardless i hope i gave you something in reading this.